It is important to know that just because your spouse does not want to put forward in the effort, it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to have a happy marriage with you. Everyone, on some level, would like to understand how to save a marriage when it starts to go bad so they can feel good again. The truth is that they probably have a very negative viewpoint of themselves and the marriage, and that makes their desire to seek help almost non-existent. The good news is that you don’t need them to start influencing your marriage in a positive way, and once you start to change the dynamics in your marriage, your spouse will probably jump on board and help build up the momentum.
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You Know What You Need To Do
The chances are very good that you already know what you need to do to start improving your marriage. All you have to do is listen to your heart and acknowledge the truth.
For example, if you are asking yourself if you should just give up on your marriage and accept it as the unhappy relationship it is, your inner being will answer in a clear and loud voice ‘I don’t want to live in an unhappy marriage now or in the future!’ If you then ask yourself if you should stop expecting your partner to change and start working on yourself, your inner being will say something like ‘Well, trying to change them hasn’t worked so far, so it may be time to focus on how I contribute to this marriage.’
There is a simple truth that when you are focused on happiness, you move towards happiness, and when you are focused on unhappiness, you move towards unhappiness. Therefore, set your sights on happiness, and ask yourself how you can start improving your marriage today.
Once You Start Moving Towards Happiness, Your Spouse Will Have No Choice But To Change
The best way to describe this is with a ‘in the moment’ scenario. For instance, if you approach your spouse and yell at them, how do they react? Probably in a negative way. But, if you approach your spouse and give them a kiss, do they react differently? I would be willing to be that they do!
The things you say and do in your marriage influence the things your spouse says and does. Therefore, when you start interacting in your marriage in a healthier way, your spouse has no choice to change the way they act in the marriage as well. Your marriage is never stagnant; it is either improving or getting worse, so your spouse has to change in one way or the other.
It Can Be Hard To Be The Only One Working On The Marriage
Choosing to do things that make you happy and contribute to your marriage in a positive way can be easier said than done. It is hard to be loving towards someone who is being a jerk towards you. It can make you feel as though you are the only who cares and that can make you angry or sad, which causes you to contribute negatively to the marriage again. That’s why you have to change your mindset and the way you react to situations and other people, including your spouse.
For instance, instead of telling yourself that you have to be the only one who contributes positively to the marriage, try telling yourself that you are responsible for your own happiness, and every choice you make in your marriage contributes to how you feel. You are entitled to total happiness in this life, so make sure you acknowledge that truth and only do things in the marriage that contribute to your happiness in some way.
Don’t Feel Guilty About Wanting To Be Happy
Some people think that it is selfish to want to be happy in life. They think that you have to accept things for the way that they are, and often that means accepting an unhappy marriage. If you think about it, that is complete nonsense.
If you are not happy, then you cannot contribute to the world in a positive way. Instead, your anger, hurt, or resentment affects everything and everyone you come into contact with. In essence, looking after your happiness ensures that you are looking after other people’s happiness as well.
Therefore, it is not selfish to make choices that make you happy. It is the only way that you can consistently contribute to your spouse in a positive way.
Sometimes You Have To Make Hard Choices
Making healthy choices for your marriage may not always have the result you want. Your spouse may be so set in living a life of unhappiness that they become angry at your new way of interacting with them. If this is the case, then you may need to make some hard choices, such as temporary separation. Remember, you can’t change your spouse, you can only influence your spouse to change, and they make the final decision.
In the end, if you are looking for a solution on how to save a marriage, and your spouse is not actively participating, then you need to take action on your own. If you don’t, then your marriage is going to get worse because it won’t stay the same. But remember that your actions in the marriage influence the way your spouse acts, so if you start taking positive action, your spouse will have to change in one way or the other. Usually this will result in a positive change, and your marriage will start to improve, even without their active participation. But, if they get worse as you get better, then you need to keep making choices that contribute to your happiness.