Updated 10/26/2013 In this article I talked about how you can lose your masculine energy that your wife was initially attracted to and, therefore, start to lose attraction. This can cause you to say negative things about your marriage, such as “My wife doesn’t respect me anymore.” There is something very important that I want to add to this to help you take the steps to reclaim your masculinity, as well as the raw power you had over your wife.
A recent client of mine made continuous excuses for why he had lost that masculine energy with his wife, and most of them were directed towards her. While he talked about work and the stress of other life demands, the one that stood out the most to me was when he told me that his wife had become the alpha in the marriage and sucked all of the masculine energy out of him. He was letting this excuse (with a few others to back up his belief) hold him back from taking action to save his marriage.
I want you to know that you have to take accountability for your actions in your life and in your marriage. No one, including your wife, can make you become someone you don’t want to be. You have a choice every step of the way, and your wife is not to blame for the way you interact in your relationship – you are.
Once you accept that truth, you can start to take action and become the man you want to be. You will no longer let her actions or reactions mold you into anything you don’t want to be. In addition, that mindset will bleed out into the rest of your life and your other relationships will improve too. Best of all, even though your wife may be shocked at the new you, she will respect you for taking accountability for your actions and reactions in the marriage.
As a side note: When my client realized that he needed to start taking accountability for his role in the marriage, he instantly was able to understand everything else I was trying to teach him. It was like a light switch turned on in his mind and he suddenly had the insight that it was all going to be okay. And the last time I saw him, his marriage had improved by leaps and bounds.
When a husband says, ‘my wife doesn’t respect me anymore,’ he is usually right. I hate to be that blunt, but women who lose respect for their husbands tend to make it very obvious and skip the mixed messages. There is one truth that stands true in your professional and personal life; in order to get respect, you have to earn respect.
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Why Respect Is Important In Your Marriage
In a way, humans are like animals. We make our decisions about the opposite sex based on instinct. Women instinctively look for and respect a man who can protect them and provide for them. The problem is that humans don’t just run on instinct; they can also think. A woman’s mind forces her to examine a male to a much greater extent (words and actions combined) than any other female in the animal kingdom.
Here’s the problem. After she picks you, you may lose some of that masculine energy that she became attracted to by saying and doing things that do not align with her instinctual needs. When that happens, her respect and attraction can start to wear off, and your connection with her gets lost. And, every time you say or do something that doesn’t align with her needs, you are driving her further away. Until you can build back that natural respect a woman has for a man who can meet her needs, your marriage will suffer the consequences.
Is It Possible To Get Her Respect Back?
Yes. But not in the way you may think. A therapist or counselor can help you talk through issues, but they cannot help your wife see you in a new way. You are the only one that can do that.
This is a case of actions speaking louder than words. You have to show your wife that you are worthy of her respect. Your actions towards her will either push her away further from you or bring her closer to you.
Actions that cause her to lose respect for you include:
- Making poor choices
- Acting angry
- Acting rude or insensitive
- Being lazy
Why do these actions cause her to lose respect for you? Because they are not traits that give her what she needs as a woman. She needs a man who can protect and provide for her, not a man who she needs to protect and provide for!
Actions that cause her to gain respect for you include:
- Ability to motivate
- Displaying courage
- Building trust with her
- Being accountable
- Being honest and upfront with her
- Being proactive in the relationship
Why do these actions cause her to gain respect for you? Because they are the actions of a man who can keep her safe, warm, and happy.
How To Become A Man She Respects
Now that you know that actions speak louder than words, and that she needs a man who displays actions that are consistent with the man she instinctively was drawn to, you can start to work on your skills. If you have become a pile of mush that crumbles under pressure and cannot stand up for yourself in the relationship, then it will take a change in mindset and some serious practice to develop the habits that will make you the man she craves.
Becoming a man who displays attractive traits takes dedication, but with that dedication comes results. You simply have to mold yourself back into the man you once were and show your wife that you are the only man she needs in her life. Once she sees that attitude from you, everything will change, and you will never have to say, ‘my wife doesn’t respect me anymore‘ again.