“My wife cheated on me, but I want to try to fix my marriage.” Does that statement accurately describe you? If it does, then it is time to take down some walls in your marriage that have been up for too long. These walls have prevented you from having the type of marriage you want, and they have caused your wife to go out and fulfill her needs elsewhere. I’m not saying that you are the cause for these walls being up, but I am saying that you play a part in keeping them up.
What Is A Wall?
A wall is something that divides you from your wife. It is a blockade. It holds you back from connecting and having a happy and healthy relationship that you want.
A wall is built to protect us. For instance, if we think that our wife is going to judge us negatively about our needs and desires, then we build a wall that does not let us express our needs and desires to her. Unfortunately, this wall also blocks out other things, such as honesty and communication, and this can cause our wife to feel as though we don’t want to be open with her.
In a marriage, there should be no walls. You should be able to move around freely without hurt, anger or suspicion, or fear of rejection. In short, taking the down all of the walls in the relationship allows you to have a fully intimate relationship with your wife, where all needs are met.
Ironically, if you are living the truth, ‘my wife cheated on me’, then your instinct is to put up even more walls. But if you want your marriage to survive, then you need to become completely vulnerable and start interacting with her in an open and honest way.
How Your Walls Affect Your Wife
Women are very intuitive. They can feel when a wall has been put up, and it makes them question why you have put the wall up in the first place.
This can cause her to have issues in the relationship that she doesn’t address, such as suspicion and disconnection, and once those issues enter the relationship they have a negative affect all around. For instance, if your woman doesn’t trust you when you talk to her about your needs, then there is a good possibility that she won’t trust you when you talk about other things, such as what you did for the day, how you feel about her, and what you really think about the marriage.
Once your wife starts to lose trust in you, she will start building up her own walls to prevent her from being hurt. She may stop telling you what she needs in order to be happy. She may stop trying to please you. She may stop allowing herself to be vulnerable with you in any way. And these walls often lead to cheating in a relationship.
How To Take Down The Walls
It is time to get honest in your marriage. You cannot make her get honest, but you do have the power to be honest yourself.
Sit down and be honest with yourself about what walls you have built.
- What are hiding from your wife?
- What part of you are you keeping from her?
Once you figure out what the walls are, remove them and start showing your wife the real you. Let her see that you have nothing to hide from her.
A truly intimate relationship contains two people who are vulnerable. They put their faith in their partner to be the one person who they can confide in and trust no matter what issues are occurring.
In order for her to take down her walls, she has to trust you to be kind, loving, and supportive. This means that you cannot judge her or try to act like you are better than her. You need to be the man who supports and protects her no matter what she is going through in her life.
That doesn’t mean that you let yourself get walked on though. If she refuses to take down those walls, and cheats on you again, then you may want to rethink her loyalty to you in the marriage. However, most women will enjoy the freedom of finally being able to be themselves around you, and your marriage will quickly start to improve because of it.
In the end, the truth ‘my wife cheated on me’ doesn’t have to result in a divorce or separation. It can be a time where you finally take down all the walls in your marriage and connect on a truly intimate level that satisfies both of your needs.