Updated – 10/25/2013 I briefly mention this below, but before you read any further I want to make it clear that being a leader does not mean being a jerk. A leader does not impose his will on his wife or make her feel inferior to himself. A leader is a man who takes the leadership role in the marriage and protects and provides for his wife while treating her the way she deserves to be treated.
The reason I felt the strong urge to update this article was because of an unhappy wife. I had a wife contact me after her husband read this article and tried to become the leader in the marriage. She was infuriated with me because her husband had started to act like a jerk, which was his interpretation of being a leader. After a few emails back and forth with her, I was able to convince her that her husband had taken my advice in this article and went his own way with it. And after she had an honest discussion with him, he admitted that he just skimmed the headlines and some of the article but not taken any action to really learn what women want and how to become a true leader in a marriage.
Thankfully, I was able to convince the husband to take part in my course, and I recently received a message from his wife thanking me for my help and actually expressing gratitude that her husband had found my article and caused her to take notice (even if it was in a bad way at first).
When you think of the word ‘leader’, picture a man who is fair, loving, kind, and has the ability to make decisions that benefit himself and his wife when need be. He should also be a man who doesn’t sink into the background but, instead, always takes initiative in any situation and knows when to let someone else have their say. Once you have that image in your head, you are on your way to becoming a leader in your marriage.
Has your wife started to drift away from you? Does she seem to have very little respect for you? If so, then you may resort to doing everything you can to please her, but be warned that doing that will just cause her to move further away from you. If you really want to win back her affection and get back the relationship you once had, then you need to become a leader in your marriage.
Article Table of Contents
Talking Is Not The Answer
Communication in a marriage is very important to sustain a healthy and happy relationship, but it is not the answer to solving your marriage problems. You could learn how to communicate effectively with your wife, but if the passion and attraction is not there, then you are not going to draw your wife back into the relationship and satisfy her needs and wants. An intimate relationship requires that passion.
Alongside communication you need to demonstrate a sense of confidence and leadership that will not only earn her respect towards you, but also cause her to become attracted to your new found masculinity.
You Were A Leader – Once Upon A Time
When dating, women like men to make the first move and take the initiative for the first – well, almost everything. This is why confident men tend to fare well with women in the dating world, while insecure men tend to stay single or jump into unhappy relationships.
If you think back, you probably were the leader in the beginning of the relationship, and she probably found that very sexy. But then over time you started to say, “yes dear,” and fall into the typical relationship where a man does what his woman wants in order to keep her ‘happy’. Have you noticed that as you have done this, your marriage has started to go downhill?
Why Women Are Attracted To Leaders
Women do not want to make all the decisions in the relationship, and they are turned off by men who allow them to do so. They lose respect for a man who succumbs to their every wish and has no confidence to stand up for himself, make decisions, and take his woman by the hand and tell her how things are going to be. And when they lose respect, they lose attraction.
Don’t get me wrong, women are not attracted to abusive men or men that make them feel inferior, so don’t take this to the extreme. Women simply are attracted to a man who has no problem making the decisions for their relationship, now and in the future; as long as he is making healthy decisions based around the best interest of her and the relationship.
How To Be A Leader In Your Marriage
Before we go any further, take out a pen and paper and make a header titled ‘How to make my wife love me again.’ Then put the following points under that list and start working on them.
1. Learn About Women
The best way to be confident around your wife is to learn exactly how women interact in relationships and what they respond to. If you don’t know why your woman reacts negatively to you sometimes and not others, then this is a must. There is no ‘secret’ to women. They have a built in system that causes them to react to relationships, situations, and circumstances differently than men, and you need to learn how that system operates.
2. Get Confident!
Every person in this world has the ability to develop confidence, even you. If life has hammered you down and made you insecure or indecisive, you can still become confident again. In fact, learning about women and what they want mentally and physically from a man may be enough to boost your confidence with your wife. Knowledge is power, and it will give you confidence. And, the more you put that knowledge to use, and see it work, the more confident you will become.
Confidence also comes from recognizing that you are a man who can provide for your wife no matter what happens. Remember, she saw that ability in you once, so it is there somewhere…you just have to bring it out of hibernation.
In conclusion, don’t succumb to begging or conforming to ‘what she wants’ in your marriage because that will only push her further away. Learn about women, gain confidence, and become the leader that she wants and needs you to be.